Darkness in New Orleans

Damn it, Allison!

Yeah, I'm fucking useless.

Saying I was upset about Allison’s death is putting it lightly. I couldn’t bring myself to go to her funeral. Then, again, it’s not like I ever went to my parents’ funeral anyway. Hell, no one even bothered to tell me where they were buried. I don’t know what the others thought about my absence, but for the most part, I didn’t care.

Allison, you fucking idiot. I know it’s her. I know it’s everything she was, and if given an opportunity, she would do it again. It doesn’t make it any less stupid of her. I even tried telling it to her face as I made weak attempts at punching her lights out. In a dream of course, I’m not…well, I’d say I’m not insane, but that’s debatable at this point. 

It was stupid. There she was, just as excitable as ever. Out of pure rage and frustration at her, I charged and punched her. It was like punching a golem without the pain of punching rock. She just stood their, laughing as I kept landing punch after punch, but would not budge. Then, again, that makes a lot of sense. I fucking suck in a fight, and punching the real Allison, or even Adelaide, would’ve just resulted the same. Them laughing in my face about how fucking weak I was.
That has to change.

My parents, I couldn’t tell them what was going on. How do I explain something like this to them? Lan might have been a willing ear, but she has her own problems. Adelaide, I don’t know if she’d be interested, but the last thing I want is everything I had to say ending with some sick punchline. In the mood I was in, she’s lucky I’m a fucking weakling. Phr34k? Fuck no. He’s as sympathetic as Donald fucking Trump. I have no clue about the newcomers.

I…kinda started doing more physical exercise lately. Kinda? Who am I kidding? My parents think I’m obsessed with it lately. Just basics for the most part. Push ups, Sit ups, jumping jacks, running. Nothing too over the top. Part of it was just needing something else to deal with this shit and to do something about us being one fighter down. 

Adelaide would laugh at my weak ass attempt. She’s probably trained in ways that would destroy me. Or maybe not. Asking her to train me seems like a bad idea. She has too much going on with the Garou. (Yeah, that’s right, I used the proper term…I hope.). 

Lan, if she had any thought to it, she hasn’t shown it. Even when I actually stopped by her shop on a run and actually ordered tea. I figured she might have something to help with the stamina, not that I couldn’t keep up with most of the others on a long distance run. The only thing I have going for me physically. I keep thinking it helps, but it’s probably just a placebo that just quenches my thirst.

I don’t know how long it’s been. The days have run together, even the mission to save Layla was all one big blur to me. I barely register grabbing her…and being grabbed by Hulk-Thornton…and escaping. The hurricane dissipating. Everything just seemed to run together. As messed up as I was, I’m surprised I didn’t die a horrible death. I sure as Hell didn’t care if I did. Maybe I’d get reborn as a rogue or something. I’d at least be more fucking useful.

As far as my exercise, any physical change is negligible. As far as I can tell, I still can’t throw an effective punch to save my life. Adelaide would still laugh in my face if she could. Only thing I noticed is I’m getting a little more sleep. Still waking up in the early morning/overnight hours, but I’ve been exhausting myself out enough that my body is finally overriding my mind. Otherwise, I’ve hit a brick wall. I might have to confront Adelaide, if she has the time. Maybe there’s another option altogether, besides quitting.
 

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